The First and Last
by timelessS2clois
Summary: Cloud remembers Zack and realizes he was Aeris' first love before she dies. Filled with guilt, he tells her he's sorry. And she replies with..


The First and Last

"_At first, it was because you reminded me of him so mu__ch," she said, folding her hands in front of her. "The way you move, the way you talk…" She slowly looked up to meet his eyes. "You're a lot like Zack, you know?"_

_--_

Cloud stared out at the sea in front of him, his hands restless and moving about the white beach sand, looking for anything; anything to hold onto. Thinking of the past was something Cloud rarely chose to do, but he did anyway. The past had its way of almost always being at the center of his thoughts.

As for the growing heaviness in his heart, he didn't know what more to do. The thought of the two of them together brought a dull ache that wouldn't go away.

_ If you ever meet Aeris, take care of her for me_.

Cloud studied the horizon before him. Zack's voice echoed in his mind, never going away. He had made a promise to the one person who looked after him as a child. Why did he feel like he was breaking that promise now?

A warm hand settled on his arm. Without looking up, he already knew who it was. He said nothing but gave a slight nod of acknowledgement.

"Hi bodyguard," she sat down beside him on the sand.

He turned slightly and met those green eyes that always seemed to fill his dreams. The smile lingering on the corner of her lips slowly faded at the sight of his troubled blue eyes. She shifted to take a closer look at his face. There were signs of fatigue and pain. Placing her hand on his cheek, she asked softly, "What's wrong?"

His gaze lowered while he took one of her hands in his own. He planted a gentle kiss on the inside of her palm and held onto her hand tightly.

Aeris' heart squeezed at this rare act of tenderness. She pulled herself up and moved onto his lap, putting her arms around his neck. "What happened? Tell me."

Instead of replying, he buried his head in her bosom. He took in her scent, firmly securing it in his senses. He didn't know why, despite having visited so many places and journeying for a long period of time, she still smelled like those white and yellow flowers in the church.

Aeris buried her nose in his white blonde hair and sighed lightly. She loved him so much, but she couldn't tell him. The words often stood at the tip of her tongue, but something always seemed to pull them back. What could she do for him now?

While lightly pressing her lips on the back of his neck, her heart began to ache at the thought of his own heart hurting.

He pulled away after a long moment, still not meeting her gaze.

She stroked his bottom lip with her thumb. "Why the big sad eyes, hmm?"

After a small pause of silence, he spoke. "I have to tell you something." The seriousness in his voice worried her even more. There was something terrible bothering him, she thought.

He sat her down beside him, facing the sea instead of each other. He couldn't look at her; not for this. Aeris frowned. Had she had done something to hurt him so much? The thought of it suddenly brought a wave of misery over her.

"Cloud?" She asked, her eyes full of concern.

He became silent once more; his gaze so far away from the sea in front of them. When Aeris turned away to face the same sea, he spoke up, though quietly.

"He was my best friend. I really admired him. I wanted badly to be like him."

Her lids closed over her eyes as the ache slowly coursed over her chest. She began to fear what else he would say. After a moment, Aeris released a shaky breath, still no words to say.

"He died protecting me."

Tears she didn't know still existed for Zack began to pool. Bringing a hand to her lips, Aeris struggled to keep in the tears.

"I didn't know about you…not until after he died." Cloud then turned to look at her and saw those tears threatening to fall. Though his heart began to break, he reached over and wiped away the one droplet sitting at the edge. "He wanted me to take care of you."

Her gaze moved to him. Her eyes were wide and quivering with emotion. "You remember him."

"It's my fault, Aeris," Cloud said with a troubled voice. "Why you never saw him again."

She stood up at that, her knees unsteady and her entire being in disarray. Though she had once told Cloud that Zack wasn't all that important… he was. He was her first love. It took her all these years to leave her feelings for him in the past. To move on and forget were almost impossible. Having Cloud say all these things now threatened to break her heart as it once did when she wrote that last letter to him.

Cloud's hand tightened into a fist by his side as he watched her from behind, her shoulders shaking and her face buried in her hands. What kind of person was he, to keep all these things from her? What kind of person was he, to have learned to love her the way his best friend loved her?

"Oh Cloud…why couldn't you tell me all this before?"

He stood up and kept his distance, even though he wanted to walk over and hold her. He stayed away, not knowing what to do. After Zack died, he chose never to be that vulnerable to pain again. With her, it was as though he had never made that choice to begin with.

"I'm sorry."

The words hung in the air. Cloud had never spoken those words out loud before, but it echoed endlessly in his mind. Staring at her now, he couldn't shake off the guilt and sorrow washing over him. With his fisted hands at his side, Cloud turned around, and with his head hung low, he began to walk away.

At that moment, Aeris turned as she brushed her tears away with her arm. When Cloud was a distance away, she felt her heart slowly breaking. "Wait…" She whispered.

He stopped, as though he heard her words.

"Zack was my first love, Cloud."

His eyes shut in response as he let the pain course through him. "I know."

Aeris took a deep breath and stared at his back, wanting so badly to touch him. She walked slowly towards him and tentatively put a hand on his back as she reached where he was. "Please look at me."

Cloud turned and met her sorrowful eyes, and felt the guilt come over him again. His hand rose to touch her cheek but stopped midway and fell to his side again.

"I'm crying for that boy I loved and never saw again." She breathed in softly. "And I'm crying for the boy who carried all this guilt all this time in here," she held her palm to his chest. "Cloud…" Aeris then took his face in her hands. "You loved him, didn't you?"

He could only nod, feeling hollow inside.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly and buried her face on the nape of his neck. "Thank you… for being there for him."

He pulled her closer to him, gripping her body tighter. They stayed that way for many moments as memories of Zack came back to both of their minds. A gentle breeze passed them, as though his presence was there, giving them calmness.

When they pulled away from each other, Aeris faced Cloud again. Her arms still around him, she touched his face gently. Wanting to break the tension and sadness, Aeris knew it was time to share something with Cloud that she'd wanted to say for the longest time. "You want to know something?"

He just continued to look at her, quietly enjoying her caressing touch.

"I love you." No hesitation and no shakiness. The clarity of her words made his heart stop.

Eyes filling with intensity, Cloud gripped her arms tightly. "After what I did, how could you?"

Aeris smiled slowly and brought her face inches from his. Her hold on him grew tighter. "Because you're my bodyguard after all," she whispered and touched her lips to his gently. "You're my last, Cloud."

The End


End file.
